Up until this weekend I have been able to avoid the thought of him going through this because of other life distractions like moving into a new house and starting a new job.
But now that I actually have to face this, I'm filled with mixed emotions. I'm nervous for him, I feel helpless because this is the first time since he was born where lizzy and I have no control over what happens, and I feel guilt. Guilt over feeling as though I haven't spent enough time with him knowing this was fast approaching. While I spend every possible minute I can with him when I'm home, it still doesn't feel adequate. And that is what hurts the most.
He is going to be fine. In my heart of hearts I know this. But damn it's scary knowing that my son is about to have his chest opened up and there isn't a thing I can do. If you have ever met Wyatt, or seen a video of him in action, you know he has the biggest heart around. And I don't just mean the right side of it. His expressions and affection make it so hard to accept that he has to have surgery.
In five days.
I cannot wait for this to be over, but I really don't want it to get here.
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