Sleep Training: Mom's Perspective

I've often thought about topics to blog about on Oscar's site. Childbirth would have been an easy one. But let's be honest, most women have friends, sisters, nurses, strangers, etc, all of whom, (and sometimes unsolicited,) offer their experiences of childbirth. Being a stay at home mom is another easy topic. However, you find many blogs, message boards, sites and even the occasional New York Times article about this very controversial topic.  These topics have endless resources with clear perspectives. One thing that I have not been able to Google is, 'am I doing the right thing?' Sleep training seems to be good topic for me to blog about as I find myself struggling with this very question. 

A little background...

Wyatt has been a textbook sleeper. Those first two months, he woke up two times a night to eat. By month 3, he dropped a feeding. By month 4, he was sleeping through the night and for 10-11 hours. He napped well, sleeping for 1 hour to 2 per nap. All of this, taking place in his Fisher Price Rock N' Play rocker. As Wyatt has gotten older, it seemed only necessary that he graduate to his crib. As he gets bigger and more mobile he has started arching his back, raising his chest and twisting around a la 'The Exorcist.' The tipping point for change was just two nights ago, when I lost sleep over visions of him tumbling out of his RNP and banging his head on the ground. (Kinda like when he rolled off the couch and hit his head- but that's another post all together.)

So here we are, making the transition to crib. I'm TERRIFIED. He hates the thing. He spent the last 4 months cozy and enveloped in his soft sleeper and now, I'm about to force him to spend several hours on a hard mattress in this seemingly vast expanse behind bars. Now, I used to tell my friends that 'I did not subscribe to cry it out sleep training methods,' but it seems like the right thing and the only thing to do in this situation. It has to be done, he has to sleep in his crib.

The Ferber Method:
If you are a new or soon to be new parent, you've heard of the Ferber Method. This is essentially a 'cry it out' or 'progressive waiting' tactic to teach the little babes to soothe themselves and fall asleep on their own, essentially correcting sleep associations. The last 5.5 months, I've spent hours upon hours rocking Wyatt asleep, and, he would stay asleep. However, not the case with the crib. He'd rouse immediately after carefully laying him down, dead-weight asleep, removing finger tip by finger tip and then quietly backing out of the room. So in this instance, we are correcting the association with sleep and the Rock N' Play, to sleep and the crib.

Night one:

Miserable. (Note, I'm writing this the morning after night one.) You've already read Oscar's report on night one. Some would call it a success compared to other horror stories. As a parent, there's something inherently wrong approaching your crying, hyperventilating precious child, reaching out to you for just the smallest action- a quick rock a snuggle, maybe just one minute on the breast, and you're not even supposed to touch the baby. After a couple of tearful visits to the nursery (and I'm not talking just Wyatt, here) he managed to literally, cry it out. It was the hardest, coldest moment in my parenting experience. Was that really worth it?

Cut to this morning:

I've read napping is more complicated using the Ferber method, so I've modified things having decided to rock him to sleep and place him in his crib. Nap one was a success. While normally his first nap lasts 45 minutes to 1 hour in the morning, he managed to sleep almost 2 hours, waking briefly but putting himself back to sleep. AMAZING! Now we are on to nap two, I rocked him for 10 minutes and he zonked out, he's still asleep and it's been over two hours. WOWZA!

"Am I doing the right thing?" The perennial question among mothers:
I've spoken to many friends who are mothers. One of my best friends co-sleeps and has with both her children. She nurses them or rocks them to sleep and cuddles up right next to them for the night in their family bed. This method, works wonders for her and her husband and they are very, VERY rested parents. One friend has a three year old who announces that he is going to be bed. Marches right upstairs alone at 8pm and doesn't wake up until 7:30am. They Ferberized him as a baby. One friend opts to rock or Ferberize on a nightly basis. If rocking persists for more than 20 or so minutes, they invoke CIO. This works well for their 9 month old.  The common thread, what they have all said is,'you do what's right for you.' But what about the baby? What is right for him?

Here is where I am at this moment:
This might be premature in our method, but Wyatt is happily stretched out and asleep in his crib. Arms over head. Sickeningly adorable. Of course, I've been glued to the monitor, I've seen him readjust and fall right back into a deep sleep. I even entered his room, turned off the noise machine, flipped on the light and he is still asleep. All after ten minutes of rocking him to sleep and laying him in his crib.  Now, my most treasured moments are when Wyatt is sweetly sleeping in my arms. His little warm body, rising and falling with each little baby breath humming against  my arms. Am I ready to forfeit these moments so that he can learn to soothe himself to initially fall asleep for the night? I mean, he likes the crib now, right? No one said the transition would be easy, but maybe night one of the Ferber method helped him become accustomed to his crib? But do I have to Ferberize for the rest of the week for the betterment of his sleep habits? Personally, I don't think so. I want more time with Wyatt sleeping in my arms.

My wonderful husband, spent this weekend with Wyatt. Initially terrified at the thought of having to lull him to sleep solo while I was away, Oscar persevered, managing to successfully rock him to sleep several times. (Note, I've always captained putting down the babe. When rocking failed, I had two backup resources that were fail-safe and unfortunately, Oscar was lacking.) He told me he was moved to tears during the moments with him asleep in his arms. (Sorry, Oscar.) Last night, when the wait time was only 5 minutes, and I waited 6 minutes to go to the baby,  Oscar vehemently reminded me it was time to enter the nursery, literally pushing me out of the room. I assert that I am not alone with this guilt.

We've addressed the issue, and so far, Wyatt seems to be comfortable in his crib. He's still asleep in his crib. The challenge is not that we have to subscribe to a method, but the challenge is deciding what is right and wrong as a parent, independent of differing soundbites. As long as he's still sleeping through the night and napping well in his crib, I don't see a problem. I'll continue to have more moments rocking him to sleep, staring at his cherubic face with those long lashes resting on his cheeks until my neck cramps.

So thank you Dr. Ferber for helping Wyatt disassociate the crib from solitary confinement, the hole,

the green mile, 5pm traffic on Mopac... I think we'll take it from here.

I mean, realistically, I'm sure once he starts dating, I'll have to stop rocking him to sleep. Maybe.