I've often thought about topics to blog about on Oscar's site.
Childbirth would have been an easy one. But let's be honest, most women
have friends, sisters, nurses,
strangers, etc, all of whom, (and sometimes unsolicited,) offer their
experiences of childbirth. Being a stay at home mom is another easy
topic. However, you find many blogs, message boards, sites and even the
occasional New York Times article about this very controversial topic.
These topics have endless resources with clear perspectives. One thing
that I have not been able to Google is, 'am I doing the right thing?'
Sleep training seems to be good topic for me to blog about as I find
myself struggling with this very question.
A little background...
Wyatt
has been a textbook sleeper. Those first two months, he woke up two
times a night to eat. By month 3, he dropped a feeding. By month 4, he
was sleeping through the night and for 10-11 hours. He napped well,
sleeping for 1 hour to 2 per nap. All of this, taking place in his
Fisher Price Rock N' Play rocker. As Wyatt has gotten older, it seemed
only necessary that he graduate to his crib. As he gets bigger and more
mobile he has started arching his back,
raising his chest and twisting around a la 'The Exorcist.' The tipping
point for change was just two nights ago, when I lost sleep over visions
of him tumbling out of his RNP and banging his head on the ground.
(Kinda like when he rolled off the couch and hit his head- but that's
another post all together.)
So here we are, making the transition
to crib. I'm TERRIFIED. He hates the thing. He spent the last 4 months
cozy and enveloped in his soft sleeper and now, I'm about to force him
to spend several hours on a hard mattress in this seemingly vast expanse
behind bars. Now, I used to tell my friends that 'I did not subscribe
to cry it out sleep training methods,' but it seems like the right thing
and the only thing to do in this situation. It has to be done, he has
to sleep in his crib.
The Ferber Method:
If you are a new or
soon to be new parent, you've heard of the Ferber Method. This is
essentially a 'cry it out' or 'progressive
waiting' tactic to
teach the little babes to soothe themselves and fall asleep on their
own, essentially correcting sleep associations. The last 5.5 months,
I've spent hours upon hours rocking Wyatt asleep, and, he would stay
asleep. However, not the case with the crib. He'd rouse immediately
after carefully laying him down, dead-weight asleep, removing finger tip
by finger tip and then quietly backing out of the room. So in this
instance, we are correcting the association with sleep and the Rock N'
Play, to sleep and the crib.
Night one:
Miserable. (Note, I'm
writing this the morning after night one.) You've already read Oscar's
report on night one. Some would call it a success compared to other
horror stories. As a parent, there's something inherently wrong
approaching your crying, hyperventilating precious child, reaching out
to you for just the smallest action- a quick rock a snuggle, maybe just
one minute on the breast, and you're not even supposed to touch
the baby. After a couple of tearful visits to the nursery (and I'm not
talking just Wyatt, here) he managed to literally, cry it out. It was
the hardest, coldest moment in my parenting experience. Was that really
worth it?
Cut to this morning:
I've read napping is more
complicated using the Ferber method, so I've modified things having
decided to rock him to sleep and place him in his crib. Nap one was a
success. While normally his first nap lasts 45 minutes to 1 hour in the
morning, he managed to sleep almost 2 hours, waking briefly but putting
himself back to sleep. AMAZING! Now we are on to nap two, I rocked him
for 10 minutes and he zonked out, he's still asleep and it's been over
two hours. WOWZA!
"Am I doing the right thing?" The perennial question among mothers:
I've
spoken to many friends who are mothers. One of my best friends
co-sleeps and has with both her children. She nurses them or rocks them
to sleep and cuddles up right next to them for the night in their family
bed. This method, works
wonders for her and her
husband and they are very, VERY rested parents. One friend has a three
year old who announces that he is going to be bed. Marches right
upstairs alone at 8pm and doesn't wake up until 7:30am. They Ferberized
him as a baby. One friend opts to rock or Ferberize on a nightly basis.
If rocking persists for more than 20 or so minutes, they invoke CIO.
This works well for their 9 month old. The common thread, what they
have all said is,'you do what's right for you.' But what about the baby?
What is right for him?
Here is where I am at this moment:
This
might be premature in our method, but Wyatt is happily stretched out
and asleep in his crib. Arms over head. Sickeningly adorable. Of course,
I've been glued to the monitor, I've seen him readjust and fall right
back into a deep sleep. I even entered his room, turned off the noise
machine, flipped on the light and he is still asleep. All after ten
minutes of rocking him to sleep and laying him
in his crib. Now, my most treasured moments are when Wyatt is sweetly
sleeping in my arms. His little warm body, rising and falling with each
little baby breath humming against my
arms. Am I ready to forfeit these moments so that he can learn to
soothe himself to initially fall asleep for the night? I mean, he likes
the crib now, right? No one said the transition would be easy, but maybe
night one of the Ferber method helped him become accustomed to his
crib? But do I have to Ferberize for the rest of the week for the
betterment of his sleep habits? Personally, I don't think so. I want
more time with Wyatt sleeping in my arms.
My wonderful husband,
spent this weekend with Wyatt. Initially terrified at the thought of
having to lull him to sleep solo while I was away, Oscar persevered,
managing to successfully rock him to sleep several times. (Note, I've
always captained putting down the babe. When rocking failed, I had two
backup resources that were fail-safe and unfortunately, Oscar was
lacking.) He told me he was moved to tears during the moments with him
asleep in his arms. (Sorry, Oscar.) Last night, when the wait time
was only 5 minutes, and I waited 6 minutes to go to the baby,
Oscar vehemently reminded me it was time to enter the nursery,
literally pushing me out of the room. I assert that I am not alone with
this guilt.
We've addressed the issue, and so far, Wyatt seems to
be comfortable in his crib. He's still asleep in his crib. The
challenge is not that we have to subscribe to a method, but the
challenge is deciding what is right and wrong as a parent, independent
of differing soundbites. As long as he's still sleeping through the
night and napping well in his crib, I don't see a problem. I'll continue
to have more moments rocking him to sleep, staring at his cherubic face
with those long lashes resting on his cheeks until my neck cramps.
So
thank you Dr. Ferber for helping Wyatt disassociate the crib from
solitary confinement, the hole,
the green mile, 5pm traffic on Mopac... I
think we'll take it from here.
I mean, realistically, I'm sure once he starts dating, I'll have to stop rocking him to
sleep. Maybe.
